I am writing a book for those challenged by the power dynamics they experience with a modern-day “guru” – be that a mentor, boss, coach, spiritual teacher or thought leader, parent, or even partner. These folks have been hurt or frustrated and feel diminished, unheard, and unseen. They have lost their voice and confidence and all but given up hope for anything different; they want their agency and sense of self back, yet they don’t know how to get the expert or system to change. What they don’t realize is that the transformation they seek must start from within.

This study began as a reflection on the dynamics observed within various “consciousness” communities, specifically regarding the guru (spiritual teacher)-student relationship. To be clear, I have great respect for the positive potential of the guru-student relationship. I have had many teachers throughout my life and I am deeply grateful for the gifts and guidance received. I believe we would all do well to avail ourselves of the wisdom and expertise of sages so that we learn, progress, and keep from continually reinventing the wheel. The problem arises when unresolved and often unconscious issues in both leaders and followers gum up the opportunities for lasting transmission and true evolution. 

In many communities promoting spiritual healing and expanding consciousness, the guru is also the CEO and the student/follower an employee. Some employees may not be students of the teacher, yet because they work within a guru model and structure, they are exposed and subject to the rules of engagement found in this type of hierarchy. In any case, with the multiplicity of roles present, the dynamics between teacher/CEO and student/employee and the community they serve are intricate. On the one hand, these arrangements are doable–if challenging–requiring mature and willing-to-learn players on all sides of the relationship equation committed to continual growth and co-evolution. On the other hand, with the complexity of roles, cultural assumptions, power dynamics, and human personalities at play, it is not uncommon that these scenarios become problematic–potentially fraught with snags related to the shadow sides of power, authority, ambition, and ego. If these issues remain unconscious and unexamined, it can spell disaster for relationships, jobs, organizations, and communities as well as everyone’s spiritual growth and attainment, never mind happiness.

As I look around the world, I see these types of dynamics playing out in all kinds of situations. The same subtle or overt power and disempowerment games that can unfold in small spiritual communities and international religious organizations can also happen in your Monday morning meeting, at dinner with your partner on Thursday, in a job interview, at the doctor’s office, in your kid’s classroom, or on their sports team. Think about the scenes we hear about or witness every day: news of entertainers who feel they have to sell their soul to practice their craft, athletes who are yelled at, shamed, or abused by the ones training them to be their “best,” admins who run the show but need to let the boss think it was their idea, patients who feel dismissed and talked down to by the “expert” treating them, graduate students whose work is stolen by their professors, friends where one is dominant and the other loses her voice in the relationship, children who stuff their rage because of the unequal power dynamics at home… And this is not even mentioning the world of politics and government! Whenever there is a leader and a follower, one with greater power and authority and another with a need that is actually or presumed dependent on the other for fulfillment, there is both an opportunity and a challenge. Unless at least one of the parties has a conscious understanding of and commitment to behavior based on healthy power dynamics, there remains the potential for frustration, mismanagement, and even abuse.

From here forward, I will use the term “guru” not just in its religious sense but in its more modern usage connoting the presumed expert and one with more power – whether he or she is an actual spiritual teacher.

It might at first glance be natural to assume that the guru would be the one with greater awareness of these potential missteps and therefore actively taking measures to guard against them. Yet that is often not the case, especially with gurus invested in their position and power. A guru might be an expert in one domain yet significantly deficient in others. The “students” (those looking up to the guru), blinded by the bright lights and their own desires for healing, status, acceptance, or love, forget or sometimes fail to see the guru’s very human side. The fact that gurus have weak spots does not necessarily mean they are bad or at fault; it just indicates that they are fallible and still works-in-progress. (This is not to tolerate truly bad behavior; violence, abuse, and criminality on any level need to be identified and stopped.) Thus it may be that in many areas, the guru cannot lead us, and ultimately it falls to the students to educate and enlighten themselves. The guru may not see the problems and the need for change. That does not mean all is well or will improve without some type of conscious action or intervention. We can wait and hope for a solution to come down from on high or awaken to the possibilities of change initiated from within the ground of our own being.

In other words, we can educate and grow ourselves. And by we, I mean all of us. Power and its misuse are rampant the world over. At times this behavior is overt; often, it’s subtle. Sometimes these interactions are intentional; usually, they stem from ignorance and convention. These challenges crop up in legislatures and while waiting in line to get on an airplane; they manifest between work colleagues, intimate partners, and friends. Whether we have or work with a guru, understanding the non-optimal plays of power in interpersonal and organizational dynamics and the individual and cultural misconceptions in place that allow them to proliferate is a worthy undertaking for each of us. Accomplishing this task may be crucial if we hope to create a world in which we don’t just survive but truly thrive.